i have a problem...
years of learning, yet little sense of accomplishment.
I have a problem.. and these are thoughts clouding my mind. I need to rant.
I’m confused, I am lost. I think I have a procrastination/distracction problem. How can I fix it? Honestly.. I do not know.
I have interests, but I am struggling to focus, and not get distracted by all the noise. I’ve blocked all social apps and sites grabbing my attention.
blocked websites
I have a hypothesis, and I beilieve I’ve lost interest in self improvement because I haven’t been able to apply myself in the real world. I’ve studied and prepared my self for the last 3-5 years and havent been able to achieve anything meaningful.
It’s as if everytime I make progress there is an industry shift – I’m still learning the fundamentals, catching up to the latest and competing with the everyone thats ahead and also looking for work. The question I ask myself is how do I position myself, or pivot? Should I stick with it?
I. Don’t. Know.
I think this failure – landing even an entry level position, has caused burnout and a loss of interest. That is, the pressure to continously improve with no results. I do believe the pursuit of knowledge is life long, and as a multipotentialite, I’m extemely curious and willing to learn. So.. it’s not a factor.
I love robotics(hardware – using my hands). I also find interest in computer networking and have spent the last 2 years learning the fundamentals with no success. I decided to go all in on networking as it is the most flexible career choice as I can work in any industry – networking is everywhere. Well.. so I thought.
Burnout might have come from mostly pressure on myself, expectations and not being able to provide for my family as I would love to.. I’m honestly confused on what employers want, everyone varies in what they are looking for in talent. This has been frustrating, and I’ve received no feedback from all my attempts.
I took an Associates degree in IT from 2017-2019, then Covid, after covid I migrated to the US in 2023. I had the certs, an associates and it didn’t seem like enough. I also had a remote “Helpdesk” position for 2 years, more like a helldesk callcenter role which didn’t provide much value to my technical skillset.. I was sick and tired of the non-sense, non-technical calls. So I left in 2025, took on a seasonal role, and now I’m on furlough waiting for the next season.
Being positive, I decided to pursue a BSc degree in Network Engineering and Security. Since then, I’ve applied for entry roles and kept getting bombed with rejections. Now we have AI.. I’m convinced nothing aligns for me :D It feels like I was sold a dream.
Or.. maybe I lack accountable. Or.. maybe I need a mentor for guidance. Or.. maybe I should just do what I love. Or.. become a Gamer and try to make a living doing fun shit – no pressure. Or.. become a looksmaxxer.
Jokes aside.. If I do pivot that would mean starting over and that can not pay the bills. Networking Engineering was supposed to fund my passion on the weekends.
I feel like I’m complaining, or not working hard enough but it’s what feels real to me.
After writing this rant, I found this research paper1 which covers exactly what I’m experiencing.
maladjustment Academic adjustment refers to effectively regulating study behavior, being intrinsically motivated to learn, and satisfaction toward the chosen degree program and academic performance (van Rooij et al., 2018).
Lack of personal accomplishment – this. This is fucking it!
Now I’m going to spend the rest of the day figuring out how to overcome this.